Amelia's Birth Story: Londyn

Londyn Beth was born March 12, 2016 at 5:22pm, weighing 7lbs. 11oz. (exactly the same as Jameson) and was 20 1/4inches in length. Londyn came 7 days late and we were all anxiously awaiting her arrival. We had a beautiful water birth at our home in Lubbock, Texas with Grandma Robertson visiting to witness the birth. It was perfect, she is perfect and once again I’m reminded of the beauty, the sacredness and the miracle of birth. Here’s how the story went...

Londyn was a surprise pregnancy but a welcome surprise from God. I took a pregnancy test intentionally after my husband, Paul, had left for work. It was positive. My first response went from surprise to excitement to tears of joy and then tears of fear. This would be my 3rd pregnancy in 3 years. With a 10 month old son still breastfeeding, a 2 year old, and a 5 year old I felt overwhelmed and doubted my ability to mother another child just yet. I kept it to myself all day as I pondered the results. Even when Paul got home I didn’t tell him until after the kids had gone to bed (this is surprising I could keep it a secret with him home). I wondered what his response would be. He was excited and shocked. Once we talked it over I felt much more at peace about the pregnancy. We discussed the incredible blessing it is to be parents and, of course, would gladly welcome all the children God had planned for us to raise. We were very excited that an out-of-hospital birth would be an option this time, out of my 3 previous pregnancies we’ve had 1 homebirth.  I longed to have my baby in our own home without restricitons. With some intricate planning from God we were able to have a home birth, like Paul and I so hoped.

At 40 weeks and 3 days, on a Tuesday, I had my midwife, Alex, come to strip my membranes for the first time. I was so tired of being pregnant and wanted to attempt this to help get labor started. Mom had been visiting for 2 weeks waiting to witness Londyn’s birth and I knew everyday mom was here and I was still pregnant was one less day she’d be here after I had the baby and really needed her help. After stripping my membranes Alex told me she wasn’t 100% sure it’d work. I was dilated only to 2cm and 30% effaced and baby’s head was at a -2 position (still fairly high) she said if baby was really ready it’d work. I was crampy, had a few contractions come and go but nothing that convinced me labor was beginning. We gave it the typical 24 hours but nothing happened. I was disappointed of course but having mom there as my friend and helper all day kept my mind off labor, or the lack thereof. I really didn’t want to try anything harsh to get labor going so I declined castor oil, and tried not to wear myself out with too much walking.

For the days to come I did squats and other exercises to get Londyn to move further down and push on my cervix to help it open up. Saturday rolled around (I was now exactly 41 weeks) and we attempted stripping my membranes again at 12:30pm. This time Alex was confident it would work, by the time she finished I was dilated to 6cm and 70% effaced and Londyn had moved down (my squats worked!), Alex even felt her ear while stripping my membranes. Alex said, “I think it’s going to work this time. I bet I’ll go home for lunch and be back in a couple hours.” She was right, this time it had jump started labor.

I began contracting 45 minutes later. The contractions were neither consistent, nor intense so I was hesitant to get my hopes up. Mom had taken our other three kids to lunch and I called her to bring them home since this was probably real labor and we’d get them to a babysitters. Like my previous births I was nervous contractions would stop and didn’t want to call Alex, get everyone here and then have it be false. So I kept putting the phone call off telling Paul, “Let’s just time them for a little longer and see if they regulate.” But based on our last 2 births that happened so quickly and without a doctor/midwife present, my husband, Paul, insisted I call Alex and he was right to do so. I gave Alex a call and told her contractions were about 4-6 minutes apart, lasting 55 seconds and mild. She said she’d be on her way (it was about 1:30 by this time). Paul and I went for a walk to keep contractions going and when we got back everyone was here setting up (about 2:00pm now). We had Alex, her assistant Sarah (a registered nurse) and another registered nurse, Elise, who mostly there to observe (this was her first time witnessing a homebirth), as well as Mom. I was impressed at their quickness to get to the house and start setting up, I was also relieved to know that this time around we’d have all our support team here and ready for the birth. I knew then that this birth would be much more relaxing and calm than our last few experiences.

Contractions slowly got more intense but weren’t getting closer together. This was different because in the past when I’ve started labor it has been text book: mild contractions to more intense and closer together, it’s also gone quickly. These were a bit irregular and I felt that they weren’t’ intensifying very quickly. Paul gave me a Priesthood blessing, my gratitude for a husband worthy of that power is deep. In the blessing he said my body would be able to do what my body was built for and that my mind would be strong, he also blessed that our baby would be health and strong. Those words and my faith gave me peace.

Although I really disliked standing while contracting, each time I sat on the exercise ball contractions would slow, so Paul and I walked around the house and backyard. It was the most beautiful day with the sun shining, birds chirping and perfect weather. We walked back and forth in the backyard, talking about where we could plant our garden and what yard improvements to make this spring. Each time I felt a contraction coming Paul would talk me through it as I leaned against his chest and breathed. Alex offered to give me black and blue cohosh to help get contractions consistent as well as Clary Sage oil to rub on my stomach and inhale. Every few contractions Alex would check baby’s heart rate. Londyn was handling contractions like a champ. About 2 hours into labor I was frustrated that this wasn’t going faster, I didn’t feel like contractions were very intense yet and I thought they should be by this time, based on my previous experiences. At one point Alex was sitting in front of me as I rocked on our exercise ball frustrated that contractions weren’t intensifying as quickly as they had with my other births and she said, “Amelia, this is what normal labor is like for most other women and your just used to it going fast.” It made me laugh, but she was right, I tried to refocus my frustration into more positive thoughts.

Alex and Elise put some Clary Sage oil on my hands and put pressure in between my thumb and index finger, a pressure point that is supposed to help encourage the bags of water to break. Although Paul and I were laboring together well Alex began rubbing my back, the touch was different and felt so good. It was also great to have her encouraging me with different phrases than Paul had used. I let my mind listen. I think having a woman’s voice was calming and encouraging. About 20 minutes (4:45pm) later while in the backyard my water broke during a contraction. At that point my body began to shake uncontrollably and I knew I was transitioning. This is when it gets hard. I was ready to get in the tub.

The tub felt so good! Our water heater had been wacky and although I would’ve like warmer water I knew I wouldn’t be in the tub long. I lay over the side of the tub and hugged Paul, cried and did my best to get through the roughest contractions yet. I listened to Alex’s encouraging words and her reminders to let my pelvis open up, relax and let baby descend. My body continued to shake but I didn’t try to hold the shakes back, I let my body relax. It’s incredible to feel all that’s going on during labor and birth. To feel my body do what it knows, what it was built to do. I love giving birth, I love being present and fully aware of what’s going on and also in full control. It really is so incredible! At this point I had another very intense contraction, about 5 seconds into the contraction I felt baby coming! Londyn, like Jameson and Grace (my previous 2 births), didn’t crown nor did we have any visual of her before this point. I could feel her head moving down. It was amazing! I was so much more aware this time instead of frantic and concerned about the lack of a medical provider being there. “She’s coming.” I told everyone as I moved to the back of the tub in preparation to catch Londyn myself. I reached down to feel her head coming out, as I kept my hand on her head I had a short time to take a deep breath and with the rest of the contraction her body slid out. “Catch her Amelia.” Alex said to me as I looked down and grabbed Londyn from the water and placed her on my chest.

She was here! And she was perfect! She let out an immediate cry as I held her on my chest and stroked her sweet tiny body. Labor was quick, approximately 4 hours from start to finish and the actual birth was just like Jameson’s and Grace’s, ending very quickly with just one contraction (she was fully born within 10 seconds), without pushing and no “ring of fire” burning.

But with all the similarities, Londyn’s birth was also very different. I was so much more aware, I was calmer, I loved the help of my support group rubbing my back and giving me holistic options to help with labor which I’d never had before, I had supporters laughing in between contractions with me and making sure I drank my water and kept my body strong.

I’m so thankful the Lord blessed us with a successful home birth. He also blessed me with an able body to do go through such an incredible and empowering journey. I almost feel addicted to giving birth, it makes me feel so able and then I get to have this brand new life in my arms to care for, love and cherish for all eternity. 

A Midwife's Own Birth Story: Part Two "Hunter Jackson"

When I became pregnant with Hunter in 2010, I was not only thrilled that we would be welcoming a new little one into our family, but also that I would have the chance to give birth differently than with my daughter.   While her birth was wonderful (see my other blog posting “A Midwife’s Own Birth Story: Part One Keira Sage”), it felt like something was missing for me.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew I wanted something different….something more empowering. 

Since we weren’t living with my husband’s parents this time around, we were going to be having a home birth.  I was so excited!  I spent months before and during this pregnancy envisioning what I wanted to have happen, where I wanted the birthing tub set up, the music I would have playing, where my candles would go, etc.  I wanted autonomy this time around, and the ability to listen to my body and trust my intuition.  This “idea” of my dream birth and being able to welcome my little boy into the world in such a perfect way, was what kept me going when things were very difficult. 

My pregnancy with Hunter was horrible.  I was sick all day everyday for months, had severe heartburn, stomach ulcers, an ovarian cyst that ruptured, constant back pain and sciatica….all while taking care of a 3 year old, being a wife, studying and apprenticing full-time to be a midwife, and working as a birth doula.  It was overwhelming! 

I had a lot of “false alarms” toward the end.  I would start having regular contractions for several hours and then they would just stop.  This drove me crazy, of course!  Here I am studying to be a midwife and I can’t even tell when I’m in real labor or not!  I knew he was going to come when he was ready, but I thought he’d be coming earlier than his sister who was 8 days late.  Sure enough though, 40 weeks came and went, followed by 41 weeks, and still no labor. 

On the morning of December 23rd, at 41 weeks and 3 days, I woke up having mild contractions around 4:30am.  I tried to sleep through them for a while, but around 6am, I couldn’t sleep anymore and got out of bed to go make some breakfast.  The contractions were starting to get slightly more intense, but they were still spaced out to about 6-7 minutes apart, so I didn’t feel the need to wake up my husband Jeff or call my midwife.   My 4 year old daughter Keira woke up around 6:30am and came out to check on me.  She saw me swaying from side to side and leaning over the counter top gently moaning, all while making some scrambled eggs (home births are much more laid back ;-) ).  She knew what was happening (we’d been preparing her for months on what to expect) and got really excited that today was the day her brother was coming!  I asked her to go wake up Daddy shortly thereafter since the contractions were starting to come about every 4-5 minutes now, and I could hear her run into our bedroom excitedly shouting, “Hunter’s coming! Hunter’s coming!” Needless to say, my husband jumped out of bed very quickly to come check on me!  I asked him to go ahead and call the midwife Kerin (who was one of my midwifery teachers), our doula CarolAnn (who was a dear friend), my mom, and my best friend Amy to let them know what was going on so they could start making their way over. 

Once I knew everything had been taken care of, I just tuned the world out and got “into” my own body.  Time stood still.  I would alternate between leaning forward on the countertop while squatting my knees and actually getting on my hands and knees on the floor in the living room.  I was able to hear what my body was telling me to do and that felt wonderful.  My midwife and doula arrived very quickly it seemed, but they both entered my home with such a calm and gentle presence that I didn’t even notice they were there at first.  They matched my energy perfectly and I knew they were there to support me in the way I wanted and needed them to. 

During one of my contractions, I started praying to God, asking Him to give me what I needed to help this labor progress and for me to be able to cope with it.  I was worried about having a long labor and with my constant back pain, I didn’t know how much of it I could take.  Kerin suggested that Jeff and I go for a walk around the block to help kick my labor into the next level and get things moving more quickly for me (and luckily we were living in California at the time, so the weather wasn’t too cold!).

The three of us set out on a walk (Jeff, CarolAnn and I) while Kerin stayed at the house to play with Keira until my mom could get there to watch her.  The walk definitely worked its magic and put me into a good active labor pattern, but the 45 minutes it took to get around my block were definitely interesting.  Let me paint a picture for you…

-First, you should know that our house was situated at the top of a hill, and while the beginning of the walk was fairly easy since it was downhill, the end of the walk when I had to start walking back up the hill, while in active labor with contractions 3 minutes apart lasting 60 seconds, was not so easy.  Luckily, I had my husband to lean on during every contraction and my doula to use a robozo (large piece of cloth) to help lift my belly and help with my pelvic and back pain. 

-Second, you should know that when you’re in labor, you don’t care about what you’re wearing.  Since it never entered my mind that I might want to change out of my pajamas before walking around my neighborhood, I ended up walking in my big, ugly, purple “purchased for pregnancy only” pajama bottoms, a big sweatshirt and house slippers. 

-Third, you should know that things don’t always appear to others the way you think they do.  During an especially hard contraction, I had to stop on the sidewalk in front of a neighbor’s house to lean forward on my husband and needed my doula to do a pelvic hip squeeze while standing behind me to help with back/hip pain.  All of a sudden, an old lady opens up her front door and is watching us with confusion written all over her face.  She calls out to us and asks if we needed an ambulance called.  “Nope, just having a baby!”  my husband replied, and we continued our trek back to the house.  I’ve always thought back to that moment and wondered what she thought of all that!

Once we arrived back at the house around 9am, I greeted my mom and Amy who had arrived and then I sat on the floor next to my midwife.  She listened to Hunter’s heartbeat and asked me if I’d like to be checked.  I was curious so we went ahead and had her check.  I was 5cm!  Not too bad for only being in good, active labor for about an hour.  I wanted to get in the tub so Jeff started filling it up for me.  I had had it already inflated and ready to go in the dining room for weeks (much to Keira’s delight, “We have a pool in our house!!”), so all it needed was warm water. 

About 20 minutes later, I was sinking into a tub of blissfully warm water, with candlelight and my favorite music around me.  For this birth, I had a new favorite song that I considered to be the theme-song for my birth: “Amazing” (listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qezpzQWtheU).  When that song started playing, every emotion I had came to the surface and I began crying.  I felt intense joy, pain, excitement, self-doubt, and peace all at the same time.  It was so cathartic for me to hear the song that had been my “birth anthem” for the past few months and it really allowed me to open up and let go.  After the fact, my husband told me that Keira and my mom were crying along with me as they sat near the tub where I was sitting.  It was a moment where all 3 generations were just allowing our feelings to flow without censure or embarrassment.  Even though I had people all around me, I didn’t feel on display or under a microscope as everyone was very conscientious about their words and actions, and I had picked all of them to be there with me.  Most of the time, the room was silent except for the sounds of my music and my loud moans during contractions (I’m not a quiet birther). 

It was important for me to have Jeff get into the tub with me again as he had with my first birth.  He became my rock and anchor in that water.  I had room to move away from him if I needed space, but he was right there close by for those times when I needed to lay my head on his shoulder and feel his arms around me.  He and CarolAnn would alternate putting pressure on my back to help with the pain, while I remained on my hands and knees with my forehead resting on the tub walls the whole time.  I couldn’t imagine getting into any other position as every cell in my body was telling me this is what I needed to be doing.  I remember feeling as though I’d reached my limit at one point (the place everyone gets to when they think they can’t keep going) and with my eyes closed, quietly said out loud to the room, “I think I’m about to lose it”.  I was immediately and gently reassured by everyone that I was doing great, just had a little more to go.  (They told me afterwards that when I said that, it took them by surprise since I was so calm between contractions they would have never guessed I was feeling that way)  I remember feeling my strength and resolve renewed by their support.  I didn’t want to go to the hospital, didn’t want pain meds, didn’t need anything….just the support and strength from those around me and their belief that I could do it.

My midwife Kerin was very sweet to me during my birth.  She knew that I didn’t want my birth to be “medicalized” and that I wanted to be able to do my own thing, and she respected that.  Of course she monitored Hunter’s heartbeat intermittently to make sure he was doing well, but otherwise, she was just sitting in the corner, watching and waiting for when I would need her.  Another friend of mine, Laura, showed up to assist Kerin with my birth (births are always safest when there are two trained professionals in attendance) and I was so entrenched in my own world that it took me a while before I even knew she was there. 

Around 12pm, I began feeling an urge to push.  Pushing felt amazing and really helped to take my mind off of the contractions, but after a bit, I became frustrated because I didn’t feel any progression of his head within my body.  It felt like my pushing efforts weren’t having any effect.  I asked Kerin to check me while I was still in the tub and make sure I was fully dilated.  When she told me I was 7-8cm, I was depressed and frustrated!  Why wasn’t my body doing what it was supposed to?  Why was I feeling an urge to push when I wasn’t 10cm yet?  How much longer was this going to take?  She told me that my water bag was bulging out in front of the baby’s head making me feel like there was pressure and giving me the urge to push, but that’s why I wasn’t making any progress—his head was being cushioned by the water bag and wasn’t putting pressure on the cervix to open.  I told her I wanted her to break my water because I didn’t know how much longer I could keep going with my back and hips hurting as much as they were, and I wanted things sped up. 

So she broke my water and I got back into my hands and knees position.  With the next contraction, I felt Hunter’s head drop onto my perineum, ready to come out.  “His head’s right here” I said as I reached down and felt his soft little head starting to emerge.  I took a deep breath and was getting ready to push with all of my might when Laura leaned down and whispered into my ear, “Remember what you wanted….don’t push…..just let him come on his own”.   Her reminding me of what I wanted triggered the HypnoBirthing I’d been practicing and my body and mind went into a deep state of relaxation. 

I don’t remember much of the next ten minutes, only that I didn’t feel as much pain as I previously had been, and that I felt deeply relaxed.  I was still aware of my surroundings, but it was as if I was in a peaceful fog.  With each of the next few contractions, my body spontaneously pushed his head down further and further, with no help from me.  I could feel myself stretching, and since my hand remained on his head, could feel him coming closer and closer.  When I calmly announced to the room that his head was out, it shocked my husband because he didn’t even know that my body had been pushing!  My brain seemed to re-engage at this point, and my midwifery training kicked in.  I felt for a cord around his neck and told the midwife there was none.  His shoulders felt like they were both trying to come at the same time instead of one in the front of the other though, and I remember having a moment of panic thinking, “How’s he ever going to come out of me?!”.  Kerin helped one shoulder come through, then the other.  I had my hands on him the whole time, reaching through my legs as I was kneeling in the tub.  Once the shoulders were out, she took her hands away and let me do the rest.  I gave a gentle push and out he came into my hands. 

At 12:43pm on December 23, 2010, I brought Hunter Jackson up out of the water and laid him in my arms.  My husband was sitting in front of me looking in awe and wonder at our new little son, and my daughter was standing next to me outside of the tub, smiling over the edge at her baby brother.  All around us, there were happy tears and joyous smiles.  A moment in time where the birth of one of God’s miracles was witnessed by all and we would be forever joined together by that moment. 

I loved not having to go anywhere after giving birth!  With my first being at a birth center, within a few hours of giving birth, I had to get into a car and sit on my sore bottom the whole way home...this time was amazing.  My midwife just tucked me into my own bed with my new baby and I didn't have to do anything.  When Kerin did Hunter's newborn exam on the bed right next to me (she didn't take my son away from me or out of my sight), she had Keira help her listen to his heartbeat to have my little girl continue feeling involved in the process of her brother's birth.  

Hunter’s birth gave me back the power I felt I’d lost at Keira’s, and it filled me with such a sense of pride in myself and what I had accomplished.  While my second birth was more intense than my first, it was also the way I’d always pictured my perfect birth.  I felt reborn and healed, and will be forever grateful to those who helped me achieve it.

What does a home birth look like?

I get asked this question frequently by first time moms or moms who have only ever had hospital births before, but this question doesn’t have a quick answer.  How do you describe the most incredible experience a mother will ever have?  How do you put into words the sense of astonishment and pride she will feel in herself when she reaches down to pull that sweet baby onto her chest for the first time?  Or the joy of a father at being able to catch his own baby? Or the emotional, physical and spiritual connection that develops between those persons present to witness another of God’s miracles?  I’ll never be able to fully put into words what a home birth looks like, but for those who’ve never experienced one, I’ll try…..

Most of the moms who hire me are interested in having a water birth, or at least using the water to labor in.  The benefits of water during labor and birth are numerous for mom and baby (but that’s another blog topic ;-) ).  The tub is large enough to allow mom a full range of motion and room to change positions easily, while also allowing space for dad to be in there with her if he desires.  In the water, her muscles relax and endorphins kick in even stronger to help her stay calm and focused. 

Many moms will have candles lit and their favorite music playing during labor.  It sets whatever tone she would like for her birth and gets everyone on the same page.  (I’ve heard everything from “Enya” to “Metallica” played at a birth!)  Sometimes she will even begin swaying and singing to the music as her body creates this beautiful rhythm of labor.  It helps with the discomfort of the contractions by distracting the mind and body, and sometimes dad will get involved slow dancing with mom and it just makes for such a sweet image. 

At a home birth, anyone you want can be in attendance, without the restrictions of age or number of “visitors”.  I have seen births where there was no one else present, and a birth where there were 25 people present.  Each of these births felt perfect and complete for the mother herself and in keeping with her wishes.  Older siblings can be present to be a part of the experience, and can be as involved as they’d like.  Whether it’s rubbing their mom’s back, giving her kisses, or whispering sweet encouragements into her ear, that older child feels that they too are an important part of this birth and it helps them to bond with the baby as their own.

When the time comes for the baby to be born, the mother can be however and wherever she’d like.  There is no standard position that she must move into, or a certain place where she must be in order to give birth.  She can follow her instincts and feel for what her body needs her to do.  Some moms want to catch their own babies, and other times I have dads who are jumping at the bit to be the first person with their hands on that new baby.  As their midwife, my role sometimes is just to sit back and watch the parents’ instincts kick in and let them take the reins, rather than giving into my own desires to wrap my arms around that sweet newborn ;-).

There really is nothing that a mom has to do or not do when she’s having a home birth with a midwife.  She gets to call all the shots and is completely supported by those around her.  She feels safe in her own little cave in the world, and is uninterrupted in her peace.  There are no strangers, no loud noises, no people trying to hurry her labor process, and no unfamiliar machines wrapping themselves all around her.  She is seen and treasured for the unique person she is, and the brave journey she is undertaking in bringing her child Earth-side.

I’ve experienced hundreds of births and each one is unique and special in its own way, and each of them has left lasting impressions on my heart and mind.  There have been births where I have been so touched by either my connection with the family or seeing the parents’ love for each other that I’ve been unable to stop myself from joining in the joyous crying that inevitably comes from such a miraculous moment in life.  And that’s what I love about being a midwife: I get to bond with families over the months of pregnancy, until we are like family and I’m just as excited as they are when labor begins.  And when that time comes and a new life is born into this world, I am so lucky as to be chosen to have a front row seat to the most incredible show on Earth. 

So when I get to the end of trying to explain all of this to the person asking, how do I answer their question of what a home birth looks like?  It looks like Heaven on Earth.